Fixing Eli, and then some
by Caitlynnn
Summary: CeCe's perspective about her son, Eli Goldsworthy, his relationships and his past. *CeCe's memories are a little scattered. Sorry for Grammar problems*


Eli Goldsworthy wasn't just any other boy. He was our son. He had grown up different from the rest, and was bullied to no end because of it. Of course he'd never told us he minded. He use to be soft spoken.

That was until he reached seventh grade. He figured out what it really means to be man. Sadly, his father wasn't always there for him. So, in saying that he grew up a mama's boy.

"Mom," He asked me. I turned my attention to him. "What baby boy?" I smiled patting his cheek. "I hate when you call me that…" He moaned. "Better get use to it Elijah. You'll be hearing it your whole life." I tell him. "Great…But that's not why I came here for…I wanted to know If Julia could come over?" As a date, I mentally finished. He was only in seventh grade. I gave him the talk in sixth, hopefully the worst part was over…I nodded as he went away excited…

I look at the memory. He was so full of joy, that boy. I haven't seen him happy since Julia.

I try to remember back to a time after she did when he first started hoarding. It didn't start directly after the funeral, but around it. "Hey, mom can I keep that..?" He asked. "The letter?" I pointed to it. "Yeah…" He mumbled. I shrugged, handing it to him. He looked at me, trying to smile. But the smile turned into a frown. There was nothing I can do about it. I tried to talk to him, but nothing came out. I had failed as a mother…

"Hey mom." Eli said, with Clare trailing behind him. "Hey Clare, how are you?" I asked getting up to give her a hug. "Hi Mrs. Goldsworthy. I'm great!" She still had that worn out smile. "Eli, offer her a drink!" I smacked him with my dishtowel. He offers his half already drunken coke to her. She shakes her head smiling. "She doesn't want any." He says turning to me. Clare laughs and Eli smiles.

"I'm going to go get my laptop from upstairs. Be down in a second Clare," He says, patting her arm. I turn toward the kitchen. "Thank you Clare." I start out. "Oh, for what?" She says smiling. I shake my head,"For everything…" I don't know if she'll fully realize my gratitude…

"Eli, Do you want me to stay here with you tonight?" He tried not to break down infront of me. He kept repeating my fault, stupid, why her, why her. I rubbed his back. I didn't know what to do. I never had to deal with this. "No. Mom it's fine. I'll be fine…" He whispered. I didn't want to leave him, but I knew he just wanted me to leave so he could let loose again…

"I really care about him." She says simply with a smile. Eli comes down from the stairs. "Ready?" He says smiling at Clare. He takes her hand and they make their way to the couch. "What do you guys want for dinner?" I call out. "Whatever you make is fine!" Eli yells. "Okay, so the squid then?" I yell back. Silence. "Umm…Maybe pizza." He says. I nod. Of course. I laugh at Eli. I hear giggles from the living room. I roll my eyes…

"What am I suppose to do…" I can hear him ask his dad through the paper thin walls. I listen closer. "You know son, it wasn't your fault." Is all I can hear. I can't hear Eli's reaction. When Bullfrog comes in our room he shakes his head. Eli recently put a lock on his door. He convinced us it was for a purpose. I didn't ask him why. I didn't feel the right to. It was his room. I gave him the right. I knock on his door. He opens it. "Yeah?" He says lifeless. His face is pale, he has bags under his eyes…

When Clare leaves, Eli comes into the kitchen helping me clean up the mess. "Thanks for ordering the pizza mom." He says with a smile. Not a smirk. A smile. "No problem baby boy." I pull him into a hug. I haven't been this close to him in so long!

"How is therapy going?" I ask him. He looks down. "Umm..It's going…okay." He says whispering. "Have you been going?" I look him in the eyes. "Yeah. I just…I don't see the point…" He says again…

It was raining. Eli hadn't come in yet from school. I decided to make a beeline over to his hearse. I commented about the weather, he stared right through me like I was some ghost.

"Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Clare?" I asked. I hated asking information he probably didn't want to share. He cleared his throat a little. "We're uh..we're just not gonna work out." He says grimacing faintly. "But you seemed so happy with her!" I try to smile. He shrugs. "I was…But now she knows the real me." He says simply. It would be a good time to pull him into a hug. "Your dad told me she came by…" He turns to me slowly, water at the rim of his eyes. "It sucks living like me mom…It's hell." His voice drops at the end of the sentence. I sigh. This is my fault…And I don't know how to fix it…"I'm sorry baby boy. We tried to help you. I guess we let you get a little bit lost…"

As I say this, I remember one day two months after Julia's death, Eli locked himself in his room for two days, wouldn't come out. I didn't hear any movement. I was getting scared, thinking he killed himself. "Eli, please, come out." I cried. Even Bullfrog tried. After another day, his room looked like a tornado went through. He threw everything everywhere. I scooped him up in my arms like any other mother would. He clinged to me, not moving…

"Lost in my own room." He shrugs. "It's been a long time since we lost Julia. We'd never thought you'd get better.."

"Wonder if I forget her?" I tint a laugh,"the stuff in your room is not Julia. Julia's in here." I point to my chest. And I try my hardest to get my point across,"And she'd want you to be happy."

I sit in his car for a few more minutes thinking back to when he told Clare about Julia. He came into my room and talked to me about it. "I'm afraid…" He told me. "I'm sure she'll accept you just the way you are." I assured him…

"What do I do now?" He says as he is leaned in to his steering wheel. "First, I think you should talk to Clare." I tell him that as I exit the car.,,

I stare at my son now. "The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem." I tease. He smiles. "I've been admitting that for a while then." He says. "Now," I tell him. "You're on your way to recovery."


End file.
